I need friends.
No one is one dimensional. Chh demands that you be that way. That’s all I will say about that. ever. I will be leading by example.
It should of spoke volumes when your fav rapper cheated on his wife while recording that christian rap album you listen to.
Most people only want to keep it real after they’ve been exposed and then return with the “I’m sorry” album.
A lot of these guys feel that they can’t be vulnerable on the mic, because of that image that they have to keep for the “fans”.
Dudes be scared to retweet a song like “Rare Form” because they want to be safe with their followers/fellow christian rappers.
Loyalty means everything to me. Family is important to me. At my core, I’m an introverted individual so, everyone that I bring around me, I value & trust deeply. I tend to stick to my guns and will do anything and everything to prove my allegiance to those I love. I’ve been in several situations were I had to tolerate things that I hate/despise based on my commitment. I’ve stood through concerts, stood in defense, put my life on the line, hung out at houses, went to events, supported things I could care less for, all in the name of loyalty. But one thing that constantly occurs is that my loyalty will be challenged by something that strongly vexes me to the point where I can’t sleep about it, because I strongly disagree, but the loyalty within me will encourage me to “push through” the things that irritate me. I tend to be an honest person when expressing my feelings to the people I love, and I value my “loyalty” personality trait, but more and more, each day, my loyalty is failing me. I am becoming confused about what loyalty really means. I’m beginning to feel insecure about my loyalty, and how strong I hold on to it. Sometimes I wish I was that person who could look the people that I love in the eyes and lie to them, or tell them “no, I can’t go through with this.” Sometimes I wish that I didn’t really care about loyalty because not everyone sees loyalty the same as I do. I’ve been called “black & white” when it comes to my views on loyalty and that I leave no room for “exceptions”. I find myself standing up for my friends while they shrink back and keep quiet. I find myself covering all bases (loyalty wise) in my relationships to the point where (compared to others) I’m doing too much. I constantly battle with thoughts like “Should I just hang out with this person that continuously gossips about my friend?”……….”Should I hold a conversation with this girl that constantly gives me the “googly eyes” every time she talks to me? Despite the fact that I have a girlfriend? Despite the fact that this girl doesn’t have a chance of swaying me away from her? or does she?” Just thinking about those questions makes my stomach turn. I just see things different because I grew up with my older brother, with him telling me secrets, with me getting arrested with him, by his side, tackled by police when I was in the sixth grade. Being in the interrogation room, hearing police officers call him “Bi#%ch” , “Moth^&*#ker” , and other derogatory terms I never thought cops would say. I remember when he would tell me about his dreams that he had, things he wanted to accomplish, and I would sit and listen to him talk for hours, believing in his dreams more than him. I remember all the “don’t tell mom” talks we had, and till this day, I never said a word.
The loyalty that I built with my brother is something that I carry into all of my most precious relationships. I’m just getting to the point where I’m not sure if I should detach myself from loyalty completely or continue to endure thorough more upsets and setbacks.
There is no middle ground for me.
I’m either in the back of the police car with you.
or I’m driving it.